Saturday, May 12, 2012

F1-Geeks Armchair Team Principal - Bahrain

In the shape of the Kilngon reproductive system, Bahrain is an interesting track in challenge, spectacle, scenery and coverage.

Yes, our analysis has been held up but for good reason people. It looked fake and it might have actually have been staged.

Did you notice that the feed looked a bit strange at times?  We have had some surprising tips coming into our inbox and while we first thought they were just a joke, once we went back and watched the coverage we began to suspect there is a massive cover up going on.

Is it possible the entire thing was staged?
Would Schumacher really go out in Q1?  Could the camera work really be so smooth?

Read on to find out what the hell we are talking about.

Let's first set the stage for what we are talking about.   The race in Bahrain has been on and off and on and off quite a few times.   This year, there has been an enormous amount of politics associated with this race with citizens protesting and link to royal families and oppression vs freedom.  East vs West.  Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria to quote Dr. Venkman.
An anonymous tipster claims the race was mostly CG and that the close-ups were staged.   Of course Bernie was involved, threatening to ban ,in toto, any teams if any member of that team dare even dream about revealing the coverup.  The good people at the factories were told the race occurred and they are innocent in this as are the drivers.

'How could that be?' you ask.  Surely the drivers would know if they raced or not.

Bernie's plan was to impose a mandatory health test under the guise of checking for allergens that would make the drivers vulnerable to a secret biological weapon the revolutionaries were planning on testing at the race.   During the application of the histamine, Operation Just Deserts, began.  The drivers were drugged with a derivative of Sodium Thiopental which  instead of forcing the drivers to tell the truth, actually prevents them from telling the truth about a period of time.   You'll notice there will be very few driver interviews after the weekend because they just become a matter of shoulder shrugging and "dunno".

The main pit crews were replaced with Bernie's special employees just for the reenactments and the team principals were to inform the regular crews that there were some special safety rules due to the protests and that they would have special combat trained military mechanics working the bulk of the work with only a few select members of each team allowed to actually attend the race.

These members were sworn to secrecy the likes of which haven't been seen since NASA faked the moon landing.

We're going to go ahead and comment on what was presented to us and you be the judge.

Shumacher out in Q1.  This is hard to believe from the guy who would have come in second in China and nearly got pole.   Our tipster claims the simulation had already been run and the footage was too expensive to regenerate.   As a result, the Mercedes lollipop in China had a "malfunction" in order to set up the idea that Schumacher would have had concentration problems in Bahrain.

Raikkonen and Perez out in Q2 but that's not so much a conspiracy element as much as it is just the build of their cars.

Rossberg's massive testicle strategy was to put all of his eggs in a one lap basket.  He gets 4th, Webber gets 1st then he's bumped by Vettel and then Webber gets bumped again by Hamilton. 

You'll notice there was no fist pump from Vettel with the pole.  Coincidence?

Frenchie le French sits comfortably in 3rd.  Speaking of Grosjean, as Tim and I commented, this guy is so French, he walks around with sort of a, "I do not care about your preconceived notions of .. how you say...  beard..." attitude.   Seriously, I never thought anyone could have worse facial hair than Button.   Leave it to the French.

Vettel had a decent start and Hamilton managed to hold on to second but Mangey le Pew managed a great start and got around Button and Rosberg.  He then passed Webber for third and a cheer went up at the F1-Geeks headquarters.  Well, less of a cheer and more of a "eh" but it did elicit a reaction.

What got more of a reaction was the way Rosberg was defending his positions.  Not well, and not clean but fairly effective.   He had more than his fair share of "incident under investigation" incidents.

Button's car sounded funny and Rosberg's exhaust broke.  Freakish coincidence?  Perhaps...

In the last few laps Raiken provided all of the excitement.  His chase of Vettel was very entertaining and I would have loved for him pass.  Alas, it was not to be as the computer decided Vettel should win one.

Not a bad run for my fantasy team as I got the top four spots.

Since the race itself was computer generated, we're not sure how to classify it.   Watching it was fun but we couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.  Now we know.

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